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Can children benefit from parental divorce? Yes, if the divorce removes them from a toxic family environment. Living in a tension-filled household can be devastating to children's adjustment and future resilience, especially if they repeatedly see their parents model an ineffective problem-solving style, experience or witness repeated episodes of family violence, or feel responsible for the conflict (22). Children with high-conflict parents who divorce have been found to become significantly better-adjusted young adults than children with high-conflict parents who do not divorce (23). Different studies do indeed report different answers to the question, "How likely is it that a child will experience serious problems during and after divorce?" But whether almost all of the one million children whose parents divorce each year will experience serious problems, or half of them, or far fewer than half, it is clear that a great many children are at risk. The experience of helping professionals and family law practitioners supports Wallerstein's observation that "parenting in these families demands heroic efforts, and not everyone can be a hero," and her call for new ways to protect the child's interests in the post-divorce family. The task for professionals, friends, and family members is to understand what supports and what harms the interests of children whose parents divorce, and to apply this understanding with compassion and skill daily in protecting and enhancing their well-being. |
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