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But these losses do not inevitably lead to the destruction of positive relationships among family members, nor do they necessarily prevent the development of new, healthier interactions. Most parents can be helped to take the position that the purpose of the divorce agreement is to create the conditions for children to get the best possible parenting from both parents after the marriage is over. Divorce ends the marriage; it does not end the family. Children are more likely to cope successfully with the effects of divorce when the family's personal, social, and material resources permit its members to deal effectively with the losses that they experience. Neither a marital agreement nor a divorce agreement automatically endows people with the knowledge, attitudes, and skills that that contribute to successful relationships and to successful parenting. However, from Hetherington's extensive studies of divorce and from John Gottman's extensive studies of marriage (27), we can learn the same lessons. Divorced and divorcing parents, like parents who remain together in durable relationships, can serve their children well when they decide to agree on a shared vision of what is really important, and to interact in positive and respectful ways whether they are interacting about routine matters or dealing with recurring or isolated disagreements. Children benefit when parents are helped to create parenting plans that focus on the best interests of the children as individual human beings, and when they are helped to maintain positive and appropriate interactions with one another. To restate the point emphasized earlier, the final common pathway that leads to protecting children from harm during and after divorce, and contributing to their short term and long-term well-being, is the quality of parenting and family functioning in the post-divorce family. 6. What is the strongest predictor of a child's well-being during and after divorce?
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