Building Bridges
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Dealing with Loss
PART I
Running
from the pain and confusion
Dealing with loss has its own
rhythm, different for each person. Sometimes you need
to confront your feelings, and at other times you need
to shield yourself temporarily from the pain and confusion
that are part of normal grieving. How? By engaging in
such normal activities as these: |
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Denying
distress
Keeping busy
Socializing
Taking on new projects
Watching television
Attending concerts
Going to the movies |
Eating
Exercising
Nurturing yourself
Gardening
Working hard
Exhausting yourself
Getting away |
Some respite from the distress triggered by loss is essential
for most people if they are to be able to sleep at night
and function during the day. However, if you find that
you are engaging in these activities to an extreme, that
may be a sign that rather than simply seeking short-term
relief, you are attempting to escape altogether from the
pain and confusion that come from doing the work of grieving.
The result is that the pain, confusion, and other manifestations
of grief are likely to keep disrupting your life, without
any real or lasting relief. Sometimes people abuse alcohol
or other drugs, experience flare-ups of old or new illnesses,
or express strong feelings in ways that cause new problems
for others or themselves.
Coming to terms with your loss, instead of fleeing from
the distress it triggers, provides you with the opportunity
to learn how to grieve future losses more effectively.
Instead of finding yourself stuck, you find that you are
able to create the next chapter of your life in a way
that allows you to live your life fully. Instead of finding
future losses triggering reactions from the past, and
finding yourself continuing to accumulate burdens of ungrieved
painful losses, you find yourself continuing to grow as
a human being. |
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