Building Bridges
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Dealing with Loss
PART II
Children are different
A child who is old enough to love is old
enough to grieve, and the tasks of grieving are the same for children
as they are for adults.
But you as a parent know that children are different. They are
different from one another, they are different from one year to
the next, and they are different from adults. They don't have
as much experience as you have, as much ability to express ideas
in words, as much ability to understand concepts, as much patience,
as much tolerance for discomfort. They simply are not mature adults.
Lacking adult skills, children have their own ways of processing
grief, and they have a natural impulse to do so. They can deal
with their pain through their play, their fantasy life, their
behavior: vigorous or listless, visible or withdrawn.
So how can we help? We can actively support our children's natural
grieving process, and we can protect them from inappropriate interference.
Here is one basic concept that you can use to guide you in applying
the thirty numbered concrete suggestions on the pages that follow:
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When parents divorce children want and need to accomplish these
tasks in their own way and at their own pace: |
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- to understand what is happening
- to express their feelings
- to do the things that let them live fully
- to attach meaning to what they are experiencing
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